feelings

i think i need a break
or a change
or just something

i feel solemn today
and it's hard being confronted by two people asking if something is wrong by the look on my face
and granted, i just started taking birth control, so maybe that is affecting me and i don't even realize it
and i've been listening to deeply emotional 90's hits, which could have an effect as well

today is one of those days where i just want to make sure i am who i am, you know?
that feeling, you just want to be with that person you can just be yourself with
and the thought of being with someone that would take effort weighs you down


and maybe there is just a lot on my mind. but maybe there isn't
i'm incredibly indecisive about how i'm feeling today
i just want to sit, perhaps in colorado, perhaps next to my dad, perhaps next to penny
to just sit and be me
possibly be just a little too emotional, a little over dramatic
possibly just give out one of those screams that they do in movies at the height of the conflict
but not for any reason
sometimes it just feels good to feel
so maybe today i just want to feel
i want to check out and feel by myself because i have friends who would tell me i don't need to feel cause nothing is going on that makes me need to feel
so maybe i'll go rent one of those movies about grief and feel really deep

sorry i'm such a poo today

maybe it will get better