it's been a while

i'm sorry. to cindy and veanez, since they are the ones who currently read me :) (and my wonderful mother in law)

i'm listening to my friend's band playing on the radio and it's awesome.

i guess lately my life has been filled with an overwhelming sense of joy. it's great because it's not this feeling. well, okay i lied. sometimes it is this crazy feeling that i can't shake and i just have to smile or stop for a second or drive with my windows down.

but you know me: i'm moody. haha. i'm emotional. i'm hyper-sensitive. but guess what?
lately, when i get down, i stop and remember this beautiful truth: God knows me. He loves me. He wants to hang out with me. He understands me.

this past week when i went to greensboro, He told me in such a loud way, like He got on top of a huge mountain (pikes peak? cotopaxi?) and said "Sarah, guess what? this is how much i love you! here you go:

and He sat me down next to benjamin.
and that's how i know that He loves me.
i laughed and i was overwhelmed by love in a way i never knew!

He brought me all of my best friends, my family into one room, in a surprise and just drenched me with waves and waves of water-love. i cried and cried and i'm gonna cry again.
and do you know why?
because behind all this people love i was overwhelmed with, He is saying "sarah i love you. i know you"

He gave me good buddy time with veanez. it's been hard being without her. good, but hard. it was so nice to be together, to enjoy that part of my heart.

and today, i got to climb a tree! i found this beautiful world i had never seen.
i talked to a guy in the parking lot, and he asked me (almost exactly like how it says in the bible) where my joy came from. where my smile came from.
GOD!
it's so overwhelming.
partly because He is gracious enough to let me feel it.
and partly because He is encouraging me to know it when i don't feel it.
and partly because He is wooing me! He is teaching me to trust Him.
and He is indeed trustworthy.

i was driving today and i said "thank you that you are my best friend"
because i actually meant it.
i spent the afternoon taking a drive with my Understander.
it feels so good to be understood.

and the thing is, He knows my questions too.
He hears them, and sometimes i only want to ask Him.
but He can handle them. and that's why our relationship is so good. because i can ask.
He doesn't always answer, but i can ask.

i know there is more too. at every second i know there is more lurking around this corridor, and at any given moment i discover a little more.
i'm always being subjected to these thoughts, that go deeper.
i'm not satisfied with how things are.
i'm going to be different.
and for the first time in my life, i actually want it for His sake and not mine.
i want to change the WORLD!

cause i'm realizing how lost we are. and how beautiful He is.